If only you all knew the real me.
The sweet, kind, caring person,
Of this person I show the world.
I may come across as an asshole.
But I’m really not.
You knew the real me.
The person that doesn’t want to die.
The person that wants to be loved.
The person that wants to have a family.
The person that doesn’t always want power.
I’m intelligent, yes.
I’m even out of this world intelligent.
I’m even power crazed.
But it’s not what I want most from life.
Honestly, in the end,
I just want a wife,
And a family, that loves me.
I want that more than anything.
But with the kind of person I’ve been,
I don’t know if I’ll end up with that.
I’ve been told I will,
And I like to believe that.
But when I get told,
That I’m going to be forever alone,
By the one person on this world,
Who’s supposed to care about me.
It makes me shell up,
And not show people the real me.
The person I can be.
Every time I’ve shown someone,
The real me,
The sweet, kind, and sensitive me,
I get hurt.
Maybe my family.
Maybe my friends.
Sometime, by everyone.
People don’t consider,
What can change,
When they piss off,
The wrong person.
That person who does have intelligence.
That person who is power crazed.
That person who wants to show their good side,
But gets forced to show their bad.
I’ve been forced to do my worst.
I hate doing it,
But I always win.
I…don’t want to do my worst.
I’ve seen what it does to people.
I’ve seen how much damage it causes,
And how much it hurts others.
But in the end,
I’ll fight for myself,
And the one I love.
I wish the world could know the real me,
The person who doesn’t want to hurt a soul.
The person who wishes he could lead with integrity,
The person who wants to love someone, more than I love myself.
I was capable of that.
But that was a long time ago.
The world will never know,
What I could have been.
I’m trying to get better.
The people that care about me,
See sparks of hope,
From time to time.
But those sparks quickly extinguish,
Because of memories of what happens,
When the sparks catch fire,
And I love people.
But one spark got through,
And sparked the love,
Of a lifetime.
Something that I’ll never find anywhere else.
A spark got through,
And started a fire,
That I can never stop.
It has spread.
To every cell of my body,
To every part of my mind,
To every strand of my soul,
And every fiber of my being.
It sparked a fire,
For one person.
And that person means everything to me.
Because they know the real me.
She knows that I’m not just a spark of kindness,
I’m a full fire of emotions,
Which I don’t show to anyone else.
I see the excitement in others,
When they see my emotional flint,
Make contact with my mental steel.
And they see sparks of hope.
I see the disappointment in their faces,
As they realize that the sparks are gone,
They are smothered, and they are gone.
If only people could see the real me,
The person who wants to find the good in everybody.
But I just can’t.
When I find good, it goes away.
Not by my choice, but by their choice.
Because I have to mention it.
I don’t know what they’re going through.
So I want them to hear every positive word I have.
Because I never know,
When I might have saved someone’s life.
I might have told them something they cling to.
Because the rest of the world, has told them it doesn’t exist.
Kind of like the world tells me
That my kindness doesn’t exist.
That my soul doesn’t exist.
And that my heart doesn’t exist.
It’s just easier to agree with them.
No point fighting it,
Because you get hurt anyway.
I hate being attached.
Because then people see a faint glimmer of hope.
That I might make something good of myself,
And not be evil to the world.
There’s a full-blown fire.
She doesn’t have hope anymore,
She knows that what I show others,
Isn’t who I really am.
She knows that what I show her,
Is the real me.
The person that can love,
With every last fiber of my being.
I believe she loves me,
I really do.
But I’ve been hurt so much,
I can’t see why it’s true.
It feels like the world is out to get me.
It probably is, right now.
I’ve done horrible things,
Because I didn’t know what else to do.
Eventually, the world’s thirst for revenge will subside.
Or so I hope.
I don’t think I’ve committed a sin,
That cannot be forgiven.
I sure hope not.
Maybe the world doesn’t hate me after all.
Or at least, maybe it will stop hating me.
And I’ll be able to show who I am.
I sure hope so.
She deserves to be able to have the whole world know.
That I’m better than what they thought I was,
And that she was right from day one.
Things will get better.
I sure need it to.
For me, and her.